In a society driven by capitalism, where validation often hinges on achieving milestones, climbing career ladders and adhering to expected life paths, it can initially feel demoralizing when your journey doesn’t align with these predetermined norms. What society does not tell you is that life isn’t a linear trajectory — there’s no singular path to success or fulfillment.
As high-achieving students, we’re conditioned to excel academically and receive external validation for our efforts, whether through familial praise, social acknowledgment or letter grades. You prove your worth, reap the rewards and repeat the cycle in a structured system that offers clear expectations.
But here’s the reality: when you graduate, none of that truly matters anymore. Life beyond academia isn’t about how well you perform — it’s about who you know, how you’re perceived (not necessarily who you are), whether you’ve developed self-awareness and how effectively you self-advocate and communicate. No good manager is going to applaud you for staying late to finish a report.
If your workplace refers to itself as a “family,” consider it a major red flag. In truth, that often signals a culture where boundaries are ignored, and your willingness to prioritize the company’s needs will only result in more work — not recognition. This cycle can lead to burnout, a belated ADHD diagnosis at 29 (yes, women, if you’re experiencing classic signs like social exhaustion, impulsivity, hyper-fixations or a strong sense of justice, there’s a high likelihood of undiagnosed ADHD due to gender-biased medical standards — but I digress) or a quarter-life crisis.
In your mid-20s, as your prefrontal cortex fully develops, you might realize you’re on a path that no longer serves you. Maybe:
You’ve lost passion for your job. You’re burned out. You’ve outgrown your role. You’re questioning how you ended up in this seventh-floor cubicle in what feels like a dystopian corporate parody of “Animal Farm.”
And so begins the inevitable existential spiral, often causing you to question your intrinsic self-worth: “Who am I? What am I doing with my life?”
Here’s the good news: This crisis is also your turning point. At this juncture, you have the power of choice. You can stay in the job that’s been draining your energy — or you can choose to change. And if you’re bold, that change can be radical.
You could quit your job, pack up your belongings, and drive to Las Vegas. You could hike 600+ miles along the Pacific Crest Trail. You could join a wilderness expedition in Wyoming and become an EMT. You could pour your savings into a coffee cart and start your own business. You could even embrace the unexpected and become a seasonal Wildland Firefighter. Or maybe, after years of inner struggle and healing from religious trauma, you’ll finally feel brave enough to come out as LGBTQ+.
If radical change isn’t your style (though I recommend everyone try it at least once), start smaller. Pick up new hobbies, start something as a beginner and be bad at it. Rekindle your enthusiasm for life through curiosity and exploration.
No matter what you choose – become interesting. Become interested in telling your own life story. Aspire to be the person in the room who everyone looks to and thinks, “Is that person totally unhinged or are they incredibly interesting?” Why not both?
That’s what your 20s are for — learning, growing, failing, trying. Having a professional burnout (or two or five or 10). Going to therapy and processing your childhood trauma. And, ideally, becoming the most vibrant, interesting version of yourself.
Take note that none of the aforementioned things consisted of finding a life partner, getting married or having kids — because that may not be a part of your 20s timeline. While a 20-year career and sequential milestone life journey works for some, it isn’t for everyone. You might realize, six years after graduation, that corporate or office life isn’t for you.
In that pivotal moment, what matters is that you have the choice to embrace the “what ifs.” Don’t let fear of failure stop you from pursuing what excites or intrigues you. And if you fail, don’t be afraid to get up and try again. And again. And again. You might find yourself at 35 being invited to New York Fashion Week as a professional photographer (even though you have an Animal Science Degree). You just might become the next great entrepreneurial success story.
And if you’ve made it this far and are thinking, “there’s no way that will be me,” all I have to say is, change will find you in one way or another, it’s the only constant in life.
So, when you find yourself in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, asking, “who am I?” and “what do I want from life?” remember this:
You are not your job. Your identity is not defined by your title but by your character. Your worth isn’t tied to what you do but to who you are. Take the risk and choose change. Make that move to Las Vegas and gamble on yourself — you’re worth it.
Amanda Stern is a photographer for The Beacon. She can be reached at sterna27@up.edu.
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