I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I am a good friend. I’m not writing this to be humble. I really don’t know what to say. All my life, I’ve assumed that it was only customary for someone to want to be a good friend to others. But I can openly tell you now from experience that not everyone will be a good friend to you, and that is okay.
We all search to be surrounded by people who are familiar and comfortable to us, in other words, friends. It’s nice to be in a friend group as everyone’s laughing at the funny, inappropriate joke someone just told. Sticking with the same friends since freshman year of college feels easy.
But sometimes easy isn’t always what’s best for you. I am not saying you need to move on and ditch all your friends from the beginning of college. I am saying you don’t need to settle into relationships that aren’t fulfilling. You don’t need to settle for one-sided relationships. Don’t remain friends with someone who refuses to respond to your texts and chooses to dismiss or ignore you. Your friends should be your friends all the time, not just when they feel like it. Relationships like this are negative, tiring and just unhealthy.
Don’t settle for unhappiness when you definitely deserve so much more. Don’t settle for “the squad” just so you can say that you are part of it.
Go to that person sitting alone in class and talk to them, invite them to be part of your group and build from there. Some of the greatest experiences and memories are built through the most unexpected interactions.
I never would have found some of my best friends if I didn’t decide to join a certain club or join a different group for class projects. I am not saying it will be easy, but you need to choose relationships that are good for you, not because they’re easy or good for someone else.
As we continue to be told we’re good friends, we should remember to reflect and ask if this is being reciprocated, if we are the only one being a good friend, if we are the only one asking how someone’s day went and actually wanting to hear the answer.
Both intimate and platonic relationships should be emotionally fulfilling instead of draining. Although no one will ever be able to treat us the way we want to be treated, there are the few that can get pretty darn close to the mark. You matter too much to have bad relationships in your life. Healthy relationships are a part of self-care.
Cheyenne Perry is a senior and a photographer for The Beacon. She can be reached at perryc18@up.edu
