The fashion world is figuratively on fire. And I don’t mean fire like the cutesy winning icon that pops up when you have a Snapchat streak, I mean fire like deadly flames and “WTF is happening because everything I thought I knew and understood about footwear is in question.”
Case in point: Balenciaga collaborated with crocs. Chanel is now peddling ultra-expensive clear plastic rain boots as a trend. What was once a sartorial scandal — socks combined with sandals — is now a regular occurrence. Faced with this shoe madness, we must try and prepare for what’s next to maintain our collective shoe sanity.
To date, we have resurrected mom jeans, fishnet stockings and tennis shoes as regular shoes. In consultation with my Ouija board, it appears clogs (the non-Croc kind) are ready to rise from the dead as well — and I’m not the only one.
Clogs have been on college campuses for some time. I have seen enough professors wearing clogs (at University of Portland and at other schools) that I now suspect they are all part of a secret clog organization one is invited to join upon completion of a doctorate program. I don’t know what they call themselves (the clog doctors?). I don’t know where they meet, but they’re surely out there…making clog-related plans.
What do our profs know about this slightly clunky shoe that we do not? How long have they been planning clogs’ comeback? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
To be fair, clogs are comfortable, slightly clunky and unisex. They fit in with today’s casual attire as the demand rises for comfort and functionality, especially in the workplace — particularly in careers that require long hours on your feet, like nursing or restaurant work. They’re closed-toed, generally well-made and sturdy. They’re a sensible shoe in a world that does not generally make a lot of sense.
Like any modern superstar, clogs are willing to reinvent themselves even though classic clogs will never change. They don’t have to be boring. They do have to make us taller. As for ugly? Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. *Except when one’s eyes are looking at Crocs. I am adamantly anti-Croc.*
It’s easy to lust after Louboutins or moan over Manolo Blahniks, but it’s far easier on your wallet to invest in a pair of unfussy, solid clogs than fork over the dough for designer shoes. We can’t all be Carrie Bradshaw, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
If we’re going to #resist Crocs and sci-fi shoes, clogs will be our battle cry. Designers like Christopher Kane (it’s like they’re being paid to endorse them or something) may push us toward rubbery, plasticy footwear, but we do not have to bend. People are willing to speak out against The Institution’s penchant for the uncomfortable and ugly (God bless Florie Hutchinson). Just remember, when in doubt put your faith in clogs — the shoe that will be there to pick up the pieces when others give you only blisters and heartache.
