As Rachel Mehlman grieved the loss of a loved one during her freshman year at the University of Portland, she realized the need to open up the conversation on grief. She wanted to help students understand that they are not alone, and to help others understand what someone grieving is going through. With a vision in mind, Melman, now a sophomore, has created an event to help those grieving.
On Thursday Nov. 9 at 7:00 p.m., Active Minds will host an event called Coping With Loss to support those dealing with grief. The event will take place in St. Mary’s Lounge and consist of a panel, workshop and video. The event aims to support those who have lost someone or something in their lives, like a loved one, relationship or job.
“(Active Minds and the Health and Counseling Center) kind of illuminated this dire need to have an offering for students to learn different ways to cope with loss,” explained Sarina Saturn, psychology professor and faculty advisor to Active Minds.
During the event, students will have a chance to say goodbye to loved ones by bringing in pictures to place on an altar, light a candle or write a letter. Two grief counselors will also be speaking about general ways to deal with grief and offer other resources.
“We want to talk about the grieving process because it varies a lot and is very individualistic,” Anissa Rogers, director of the Social Work Program at UP and one of the two counselors presenting, explained.
Some people may physically feel a lack of energy, panic attack-like symptoms or shortness of breath. Emotional feelings like anger, sadness, denial or shock are also common. Though these are only a few responses to grief, other feelings may also present themselves.
“There are a lot of cultural taboos around expressing grief,” Rogers said.
Sometimes students may isolate themselves because of their emotions and choose to deny their loss. And the stress of continuing to attend school can prevent a student from fully processing the grief.
In rare situations, grieving can change from what is considered normal to complicated grief. Rogers explained when this occurs, people may have hallucinations or severe depression — it overwhelms someone’s entire life. Even though this is rare, it’s helpful for students to know the difference in what they’re feeling to move forward in the process.
Openly talking about the loss and what you’re feeling is one of the best ways to cope. And because the event is different than group therapy, Saturn explained students will have opportunities to share as much or as little as they choose about their grief, though the event will not be confidential.
“The biggest thing you can do for someone is social support,” Saturn said. “Let them decide whether they want to talk about it or talk about anything else.”
Although the event is intended to help those dealing with a loss, people who know someone grieving are also invited. There will be a discussion on ways to help friends or others grieving, including the right and wrong things to say to someone.
“(Coping With Loss) is going to be resource providing and information providing in that the individuals there are very skilled,” Saturn explained.
With students experiencing loss at any given moment, there was a need for another resource on campus to open the conversation. Active Minds hopes Coping With Loss will help students understand that their feelings are normal and that others are experiencing grief, too.
“I want this event to be somewhere people can feel vulnerable and feel like their feelings matter,” Mehlman explained. “And that there’s nothing wrong with them feeling sad or crying or doing whatever they need to to grieve.”
