Rachel Macklin |
I love the bluntness of children. Kids aren’t afraid to point out when something about you is different from what they’re used to. I’ll never forget the time when I leaned down next to a four- -year-old while working as a camp counselor. She took one look at my arms and said, “You look like you have worms under your skin!”
Without thinking, I sarcastically replied that I do, in fact, have worms under my skin, and the terrified kid avoided me for the rest of the week. As I’ve gained more experienced with children, I’ve learned to use these instances as teaching moments. Usually all I have to say is, “They’re scars,” and the kid will nod and go back to whatever they were doing.
I no longer engage in self-injurious behavior. I haven’t for years, yet I am forced to carry around the evidence of my past mistakes. I know some people who wear their scars bravely, who call them battle scars and who aren’t afraid to tell their story. Those people are braver than me, and the way they view their scars is probably healthier than my eternal frustration, but I’m just not there yet.
As time goes on, I want to distance myself from my scars more and more. While I don’t mind talking about my scars with kids, it’s a different story with strangers. It’s frustrating that someone would think it’s okay to make an unsolicited comment about anyone else’s appearance. Whenever someone does ask about my scars, I usually shrug and say something dismissive. If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll just stare at the person until they realize they’re being rude.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a tattoo on my left arm to cover up one of the worst patches of scars. As the artist was explaining the way he shades with white to better hide the scars, I had this shocking realization that he’s probably done this dozens, if not hundreds of times before. And maybe not all the scars he covered up were from self-injury, but I’m willing to bet a large percentage of them were.
I felt surprisingly normal in that moment. I don’t go out of my way to hide my scars anymore, but I often avoid wearing sleeveless dresses and tank tops. I wonder how many people around me are doing the same thing. There are probably more than you or I would guess. So use your words kindly, and if you see someone with scars, you should probably err on the side of caution and not mention them.
Rachel Macklin is a senior English major and can be reached at macklin16@up.edu. Rachel is a member of Active Minds, a group on campus dedicated to educating our community about mental health and demonstrating that people are not alone in their mental health struggles. We all struggle. Let’s struggle together.
Mental Health Resources:
UP Health and Counseling Center: 503-943-7134
Multnomah Mental Health Crisis Line: 503-988-4888
Active Minds: activemindsup@gmail.com or facebook.com/activemindsatup
