Experiments in Adulting
By Emily Neelon |
Walking through the crammed aisles of the grocery store, other shoppers and I play a game of bumper cars with our carts, crashing into one another in the race to check off the items on our to-do lists. We hurry around the fluorescently lit confines of Fred Meyer, giving little thought to our actions, just grabbing and going, just grabbing and going.
Grocery shopping was one of my first experiments in adulting when I moved into my off-campus house at the end of this summer. Choosing between Cheerios and Frosted Flakes in the cereal aisle became a simple question loaded with the same intensity as deciding on a major or picking a career path or fighting for a relationship or learning to forgive.
My mind sliding down a slippery slope where simple decisions decided major outcomes, I grabbed a box of cereal and crashed my cart into another shopper, the game of bumper cars continuing on, hoping I’d made the right choice.
Does embracing adulthood mean making snap decisions or carefully contemplating all of my choices? Is responsibility getting things done quickly or taking the time to truly come to terms with my actions? Is my life a tightly packed grocery store? I don’t want it to be.
I want to stay a kid. I want to grow up. I tiptoe along the edges of adulthood, taking one step forward and three steps back in a never-ending game of hide and seek, searching for and retreating from my uncertain future.
Walking the uneven line between childhood and adulthood I find myself in a limbo of sorts, stuck between carefreeness and contemplation, terrified but continuing on against the relentless push of time.
Maybe adulting is coming to terms with the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing and being okay with it. Maybe adulting is accepting the unpredictability of my future and going along with every crash that comes my way. Maybe adulting is thriving off of every unexpected change or opportunity I am faced with. Maybe it’s giving into the uncertainty and owning it.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never know. But I’ll continue tiptoeing along the edge of adulthood, one step forward and three steps back, the crash of my shopping cart keeping time.
Emily Neelon is a junior Communication major. She can be reached at Neelon17@up.edu.
