Lydia Laythe |
It was the spring of his senior year of high school and Griffin Hay was training for track season.
“I was running and somebody from the shadows...yelled at me: ‘Hey Griffin!’” Hay said. “So I looked over and [waved] because that’s pretty typical, and then they just yelled, ‘Faggot!’ at me.”
Hay was many things: track team captain, president of the choir and a straight-A student. He wrote poetry, went backpacking and skiing. He was comfortable with himself, but the slur still stung.
“It broke me down,” Hay said. “I’m in the middle of this awful workout, I was having a hard enough time. And then all of a sudden I have this awful slur thrown at me…That was a rough day.”
Now a junior at UP, Hay runs cross country for the Pilots.
The Problem
Like many LGBTQ athletes, Hay still encounters more subtle homophobia every day in the form of stereotypes, slurs and assumptions.
Many UP athletes acknowledge there are stereotypes about athletes regarding gender and sexual orientation.
Alyssa Soete, a women’s rower, sees it frequently.
“Being on the rowing team, a lot of people assume that 'Oh, the rowing team is full of lesbians,’ and some of the girls get offended, like, 'We're not all lesbians!'” Soete said.
Hay sees stereotypes projected on the cross country team.
“We're assumed to be the feminine sport,” Hay said. “So I definitely think, even within the teams, we're assumed to be gay.”
Hay believes stereotyping harms all athletes, regardless of sexual orientation.
“It’s a very damaging stereotype because it reduces straight guys to this label of being the stupid muscle-head and it reduces gay guys to being the feminine wimp,” Hay said.
Less subtle than the stereotypes is the common tendency for some athletes to use the word “gay” as a slur.
One student athlete who agreed to share his team’s culture when it comes to LGBTQ issues, but requested anonymity, says his team makes gay jokes regularly. For the purposes of this story, he will be called John.
“An example would be someone not getting their way, and [saying], ‘Oh, don’t be gay,’ or ‘Don’t be a fag,’” John said. “They’re not being serious about it, but listening to it makes you feel like, ‘Woah, maybe you shouldn’t do that anymore.’”
Dirk van der Velde, a men’s soccer player, admitted he has heard teammates make gay jokes, and believes a lack of awareness is the root of the problem.
“In a perfect world, I'd say no, [gay jokes] don't [get made] because we realize how much it can really hurt someone,” van der Velde said. “But to be honest, it's not a perfect world. I don't think the awareness is really there that that could hurt someone so much.”
Pasha Spencer, the women’s rowing head coach, believes that insensitivity, a lack of awareness, and sometimes homophobia are the key differences between an inclusive environment and a hostile environment.
“In an accepting environment, someone will make a slip and then they'll immediately apologize, they'll recognize and be aware,” Spencer said. “Whereas, in a hostile environment they'll just blow off and make gay jokes and not realize that they're hurting anyone's feelings, or putting someone on the fringe.”
Hay agreed that language can marginalize teammates.
“One of the biggest barriers, honestly, is language because it leads to stereotypes,” Hay said. “If you have any team talking about how ‘That's so gay’ - that prevents people on your team, your teammates, from being themselves around you.”
While Hay said he knows slurs are not intended to be hurtful, the slurs hurt because they equate “gay” to “stupid” or “lesser.”
“It prevents people from being comfortable in athletics and from coming out to their teammates, who are their best friends,” Hay said.
John said people make these jokes and aren’t thinking it through.
“I know people who are gay,” John said. “Hearing [gay jokes made me think]: How would they feel? You obviously have to watch your words if you say it a lot when you’re around someone who happens to be gay and you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
“I feel like sometimes people don’t know that. And that’s how feelings are hurt, and that’s why people don’t want to come out.”
COMING OUT
Many athletes acknowledged that coming out to teammates and coaches can be stressful. But they also pointed out variations in team atmospheres, from high school to college, or from sport to sport.
According to Alison Knoedler, director of academic and student athlete development, most teams are open and want to be supportive to students, but teams vary on their comfort level with talking about sexuality and sexual orientation.
“Every team and every set of coaches, and some of the times it’s the sport that plays a role to create these different cultures in general,” Knoedler said. “I think that changes year to year, even. All those things play a role in how comfortable people are [about coming out.]”
Knoedler said it is the coaches and returning players who establish a team culture, team goals and the locker room atmosphere.
“At the beginning [of the year], coaches and players really try to set the stage for what it means to be a [UP sports] player,” Knoedler said. “Upperclassmen pass the tradition down. As underclassmen get older, they carry it on or change it if needed.”
If someone came out on the soccer team, van der Velde said the team would respond positively.
“If someone were to come out, we wouldn't treat him any differently.” van der Velde said. “We have a very good group of guys.”
Eric Reveno, head coach of men’s basketball, said if someone came out on the basketball team, he’d try to support them, while consulting with the University and taking advantage of campus resources.
“I think it could be an opportunity for growth for everybody, because I believe that’s the first part of helping players grow to become the best they can be,” Reveno said. “The truer [a player] is to himself and the closer he is to his teammates, the greater the potential for that team to be strong.”
But not every team or every player has the same mindset and culture.
If someone came out on the baseball team, Michael Lucarelli, a senior baseball player, said the team would be uncomfortable.
“Honestly, I don't feel like it'd be a safe spot,” Lucarelli said. “[But] nobody on our team is even close to being homosexual. I think that it would never even happen.”
Lucarelli said he doesn’t judge people, but he still did not want to make it a comfortable space.
“I think that everybody should be accepted,” Lucarelli said. “I just don't think there's any way [homosexuality] can be accepted… If you're going to come out, you're going to understand what the repercussions are.”
Despite some athletes’ discomfort in addressing LGBTQ issues, others expressed a desire to make their team a comfortable atmosphere for everyone.
Sydne Jacoby, a women’s rower, said she thinks every team should be inclusive.
“If someone is uncomfortable (with a gay teammate) they should fix their problem with it because everyone deserves to feel welcome on campus - especially in sports,” Jacoby said.
Changing Team Culture
Many athletes said talking about sexual orientation can create a more inclusive athletic environment.
“Raising awareness helps people understand the pain behind what has been created by society,” van der Velde said. “It helps people realize that and it gives people the opportunity to make a change.”
According to Spencer, raising awareness also means changing the language people use.
She intentionally asks her rowers about their “partners” instead of about their “boyfriends,” because she knows some people might identify as something other than straight. She also recognizes the possibility of making mistakes and the importance of being accountable.
“If you do make a mistake or make a joke - because people still say 'Oh that's gay' - so if you say that, then have awareness and make a point to say you’re sorry. Like 'Oh man, that was just a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean to offend anybody. I'll find a better word to use,’” Spencer said.
van der Velde also sees the importance of teammates holding each other accountable.
“Let’s say, when a gay joke does get thrown out, maybe [someone can say], 'Hey, that's not funny. Come on, that can really hurt someone,'” van der Velde said.
“...become the best they can be.”
Having a cohesive, successful team means having teammates who feel comfortable around each other. Without mutual respect and acceptance, teamwork can suffer.
“When you have daily experiences where people are subtly telling you that you're lesser or you're abnormal,” Hay said. “That can start to affect your performance. That can start to affect your ability to work as a teammate in a cohesive group to accomplish a goal.”
Reveno said although he’s never addressed sexuality as a coach, he believes helping his players develop their personal identities is part of his job.
“The reason I coach is to help players become the best they can be, to build a championship team and [help them] get a great education,” Reveno said. “That first [reason] involves a lot of learning about yourself, learning about who you are. I’ve never thought about it in terms of someone’s sexuality – but it’s the whole process of figuring out who you are. You’re helping someone become...the truest person to themselves.”
In the end, it’s all about finishing the race, winning the match, or making that last shot – and some athletes acknowledged that a person’s sexual orientation doesn’t change how well they’ll compete.
“I think what people should focus on is the sport itself and the athletes competing, and trying to be the best that they are at their sport,” Lucarelli said.
For Hay, the ideal world would operate under the mantra: Acceptance not tolerance.
“Tolerance is a willingness to work beside somebody even though you have some obvious questions, you have some obvious doubts in their abilities,” Hay said. “Whereas, acceptance is a pride in being with your friends regardless of their sexuality and working towards a common goal.”
